Test

Put out the flame of desire, and I stop burning. My suffering ends. But, what do I then live for? Or else, choose the other option: I burn, and burn well, like a forest fire ravishing all that I find in my way…? But, what do I then, leave in my wake? Pain, lost life, ugliness? And, I too die in the end… …with nothing left to burn. With my temptations, my fuel gone, the inferno of my desire, then eats itself. Eats me. Which was a better life? …and a worthier death? - owais -- This is first being published on this page.

If I had not loved you so, your distance when with you would not pain me thus… If I had not wanted to spend every moment of my life with you; I would not, now, see every moment with you, a pain. But if you were not meant to test me, at my most intense, why were you ever destined to come into my life? Like the zillion others, why did you not flit in and out, like a butter-fly: Beautiful in, forgotten out? Were you here to test the very peaks of my passion, the very depths of my despair, the very last of my patience? Or were you here to bring me the knowledge that life can best be lived if only lived free… …from the encumbrances of desire… …even, from love? - owais -- This is first being published on this page.

You ask me of my biggest success in life. It’s been you. Of course. From you, I learnt love. With you, I knew passion. For you, I left the world; from you, I came back to it. I discovered, how much I could care, what I was willing to give, and what not, in order to catch that mirage called Love. I created new limits, I invented a new self. I discovered a patience within me, I never knew existed. I waited for years for one, just one lover’s kiss from you. You kept your distance. You made love. And yet, it wasn’t love. You never liked the touch of my body; never got rid of the guilt of having made love to me. With you, for you, I have known the greatest feelings the greatest thoughts, ideas a man is capable of. And for you I have imagined pains, I would not inflict on a foe. You have given me great pleasure, happiness, the feeling of almost ecstasy. And you have given me the pain, the agony I would not have, otherwise, known. You never said if you loved me. You had no plans for our futur...

I wish you, my love a very happy birthday. And, many happy birthdays to come. Do you know, that it has been six months since you saw me last – and even today, when no one bothers, but I, to remember your birthday; in your eyes, I see no spark of love, for me; no glimmer of hope, for me, to still believe that we have a future, together. I thought, you were the love of my life. Perhaps, it is so. But am I, the love of your life? (Or even, a love in your life?) Evidently, it is not so. But who will convince my stupid heart, my ignoramus desire? Evidence, it seems, counts for nothing. Am I destined to forever burn for you? Or, can I cut away that large part that humongous part of me, which does nothing but pine for you? Can I induce schizophrenia? - owais -- This is first being published on this page.

Rivals, I have defeated all. But that, which I thought a diamond; and spent a lifetime polishing- turned out to be a mere stone. - owais -- This is first being published on this page.

How I fear the day when I may lose even that part of him, which is mine; for his fierce pride will never allow what I want to do to him: I wish to own him. All of him. Just as he owns all of me. - owais -- This is first being published on this page.

While making me, redundant, in your life, I wish you had made yourself, redundant too. In mine. - owais -- This is first being published on this page.

Like a virgin, waiting for her lover, to lovingly make her his own, I waited. I waited for a belief, to follow through its course. I waited for my end. For the end, of a centuries old house of God. I was attacked, raped and murdered. By the lovers of the Lord. - owais -- This is first being published on this page.